Once you get past the bulk of childhood abuse and traumas, and move into allowing your authentic self without needing the approval of lovers, society, lusters, bosses, parents, kids, abusers, narcissist, ego addicts or anyone or anything, you begin to breathe so much easier.
For many it happens with age, however if you don’t face your shadow over and over, layer after layer and know your true self through the fog of other people’s version of you or the need for their validation and approval, you will not get to that breathing easier place even as you age.
Body shaming or yourself is a clear sign that you are looking through the lens of childhood abuse, most likely sexual abuse, where wanting your body is how you knew they loved you. All abuse and grooming traps that we carry as programs and believe to be love. And become addicted to that love and validation as it also brings with it fear of telling the truth of what is really happening so we gaslight and lie, even to ourselves, to please the proverbial “other”.
Also wanting to work out, guilt of what you eat, hating parts of your body, oddly that you don’t hate those same things in others. This is trapped trauma, abuse, and is shown by every trigger, every fear, every shadow that comes up to be seen, loved and validated. You have to be honest about it to release it. You don’t have to analyze it or “fix it”. We are in New Earth now, however, you have to validate yourself. Look at it, feel the shame, pain and void and let it wash over you.
When it came up, I would often use the tool of visualizing a muddy yucky river and just let it flow until it flowed clear, without judging, putting a story to the thoughts or trying to stick up for the bad guys or even figure out who they were. Just letting the toxins, debris, yuck, pain, shame, guilt, judgement, fear, and all that was not really mine, simply flow away.
I find comfort in the phrase that yes a bird can land on your doorstep but you don’t have to let it build a nest. You don’t have to keep feeding the same story, the same thoughts. The minute you change your thought to something you prefer and feels good, you change your frequency and you thereby change everything in your life, including your physical reality, your timeline.
Authentically Exhausting
For Those
Always on the Make.
I know I was back in the day.
Constantly Chasing my Tail
To get validation from a stranger.
See, if someone don’t want you,
In a sexual way, are you even
A valid human being? A worthy human?
Our Abuse tells us we are not ok
If there are not multiple someones
That value us enough to want us
Sexually. Really? There is no value in
Someone liking you sexually without
Knowing who you are. Sure have physical
Fun, enjoy the erotics if thats your thing.
However, what you do is seek validation
In a strangers eyes, and those eyes
Must lust you, want you sexually or you
Cannot survive the day, week, month.
You have so much trauma
That you need strangers everywhere
To look at you in a way of wanting you
Even if you don’t want them.
You not only crave that kind of attention
You have literally anchored your whole
Life in the need of it and seeking it.
All from Childhood Abuse.
You must be willing to change the
Thought, The Pattern, and rewire yourself
If you Truly want to live the Life You Really
Crave and that is Truly Authentically You.
Constantly seeking attention from others that have even a hint of wanting you sexually, is addictive. It is a way to avoid looking within, sitting in the void, feeling the pain of yesteryear and allowing the toxic release of the old traumas. To rewire a new timeline and draw to you the peaceful, contend, calming, magical life you truly crave at your core, you must in THIS NOW over and over and feel. Don’t reach for the phone, the dating app, the stranger you met at the store.. Those are sources to feed your addiction for a constant flow of validation and attention from those who you feel may want you sexually.
As you were taught, through abuse that the only validation you, the only value and worth you are, is if someone wants you sexually. And a constant flow of new ones is needed, as the attention that turns to real love, you must avoid as that is not the surface constant high you seek. In this you are forever in highs and lows of emotional rawness and faking happiness. A constant flow of attention and teasing and leaving, gives you your fix. It is a Choice, once you know you are doing it.
Let the EGO Crave and Want, ignore it and Stop Hurting yourself because they hurt you. Stop abusing yourself because they abused you. Stop depriving yourself of being who you truly want and crave to be, because your Ego is addicted to empty validation from broken, toxic, using, abusing strangers.
To break this spell, you have to be in this now. THIS NOW. Then THIS Now. And feel your void, feel that pain of not being wanted.
